Well the first thing you will notice is the title, or lack of! I thought of ‘The right time to die’, ‘A fantastic father and family’ and ‘A challenging time with Corona virus’ and nothing felt quite right. Choosing a title can be one of the hardest things with these posts, I generally like catchy titles, but probably this time, catchy was not needed. My son has already written an eloquently, heart warming piece about losing his Grandad, so I will try to put my perspective on losing a loved one. I am also aware that we have all had enough doom and gloom recently, so as always, I will try to seek out some positives.
My Dad really was the most amazing, intelligent, funny and lovable man you could meet. My sister and I grew up with little spare money, but family times were so precious and valuable. My Dad seemed to know something about everything. We constantly learnt new facts and skills and a local trip out would be an adventure. He helped us when we both bought our homes with garden projects, electric and plumbing issues, he must have saved us hundreds of pounds!
Although he had health issues and had skipped dying, on at least four occasions! He would come across as fit and capable and was still driving last December. He was managing all household duties and looking after my Mum. He deteriated quite rapidly in the last few weeks and became frail and vulnerable with developing dementia. We were just at the point of getting carers in when he died. He would have hated to be cared for and we knew he was frustrated with his lack of memory. It was distressing to see him like this and I know, sadly, this was the right time for him to pass away.
I now look after my mum and she is probably fed up seeing just me, but due to the lockdown, my face was one of the few she could safely see. I am gradually sorting out her affairs, which has been trying to say the least. Getting to speak to people in banking, pensions and utilities is time consuming and some people are not at all sympathetic. Plus, you get told conflicting information, so it can be very confusing. There is still lots to do, but there is no real hurry.
It has kept me busy, in a time when you can not go to the gym, eat out and see family and friends. I have also occupied myself with jigsaws, our family quiz, guitar playing and family online games. I have missed my children and of course the “Munchkin” terribly and in a time when you want an extra cuddle, you have to do without. (Husband’s cuddles are still frequent, I hasten to add!) although I have missed the munchkin development, I am so pleased my son and daughter-in-law, got to experience it all. I do worry, that he will not really know who I am anymore, but I am sure when we see each other regularly, he will know exactly who all his Nanas are again. We have done WhatsApp phone calls a few times with my mum as well, so he knows half our faces at least!
My Dad loved family, try to not say in a Phil Mitchell voice! and I know his love and closeness to us all, will continue with us for always and we will pass on these values to our little ones.
The positives are that we did not lose my Dad early in his life, or to this wretched virus. My sister and I were with him in hospital, the evening before he died. Something which has been taken away from many, many people. We do not always say the three little words to parents and older children, but actions speak volumes and my Dad knew what he meant to all of us and he was so proud of the fact we all lived nearby and saw each other regularly.
People have learnt to care for strangers in these strange and sad times and shown enormous acts of kindness. I hope this is not forgotten in the future when we get back to normal. I hope other people have reconnected with past friends of long-lost relatives too.
Let’s continue to put others first, keep smiling and love your family, that is just what my Dad would say too.
Thanks for reading,